So what.... .... As long as i have rock move and mood!!! wakakakakak

Recently, i am addicted to P!nk song "So What", so syok listening to it, its like im gonna rocking the world right now in this minute together with her song, and unwind my tension gauge, jeopardizing everything. Hehe, i am a cynical, wakakakak

anyway, this is just the only way of expressing myself. Not a domestic violence or vandalism, just the litereture violence, haha since when am i poet. haha anyway i like Pink a lot, brave to show her true self, rock & roll, no need to care about other opinion. wakaka. Let's see P!nk is not even out of Billboard Hot 100, Britney Spears' Womanzier also has to queue behind her song, Britney is back???? No!! She is still way behind P!nk. You know i've been restricting to use those words, inappropriate words in Asian eyes like Shit, Fuck, Suck and so on. It an excruciating pain to restrain myself using this word. Let me say, those word is a way of expression of normal people. May be is uncivilized among Asians, but we are in United States, we heard thousand of these words in our daily conversation, hey mom, it's not that im turning a bad ass oopps no "ass" word in my essay. Ya im now writting essay rather than bloging. Why, i don't want my mom catch me red handed reading my blog. Wakakakkakaka.

P/S: My mom dont even know how to open internet although i had been teaching her for a long time. Hehe... .... I'm turning evil, and the tail in growing out.

Back to the story, i guess every male has to be a bad guy in order to attract girl. What the hell am i talking? I said be yourself, not be a bad guy, be your true self instead of obeying anyone include your lover, its too hard to maintain in this way. Rather than being a pretty boy, i don't want to escalate the problem in the next level and then we have to KO each other!!! wakakaka. So, So What now???? Okay Check my flow with me... ...If im going to be a pretty boy, i am going to start a fight with her, war between guy and girl, oh shit, may be i will be caught domestic violence, where is the equality of man and woman, no point of talking about it, as everyone in society will point the fault to guy. Guess what, we will have our ending behind bar, wakakakak. So, write whatever you wish to write over here, don't mind about it, as long as you're not hurting each other. NANANANANNANANANNANANANANNA! Blek! I love pink!!!! by the way im listening al the way long while bloging. hahaha

Now, what should i write, am i too extreme, that i scared everyone, no~~~ Not at this point. As it hasn't develop to the next stage, we call it as physical violence agaisnt people. I am now right in the coffee house right now, i hope my aura will not frightened those students beside me. Hehehe. I am a murderer. May be.... may be..... .... Ok, last word to tell you guys and my friends, i wanna pick a quote from P!nk song. I'm gonna show you my rock moves and rocking attitudes, and i am damn alright and i am damn just fine.... .... Hehe don't worry

Remember, i am unwinding myself oooooo!!!

挣扎？

夏天，我遇见了你,但我没得知你的名字，就让你消失于我眼前，或许是瞬间的邂逅。之后，我还是过得好好的，至少每夏天般的遐想，时有时无地在突然想起夏日的你，每次渐行渐远，似乎时间模糊了你的影子。可能再也不会想起你，也不奢望这再一次的邂逅。

天，每次那么喜欢作弄人，把快乐建筑在我的愚蠢之上，或许一厢情愿吧。在我筹办文化之夜当时，遇见了那面熟又陌生的你，微笑着问我些问题。糊弄你一番，一时间还是想不起夏天的你。文化之夜结束之后，我总是把视线抛向别处，寻找着你的身影。才偷瞄了你一回，就被你识破了，还跑向前来帮我一把，羞人啊。心中的欢喜绝对是不能掩饰的，在那刻，才知道你的名字。

在那之后，我才开始喜欢上你，谈不上爱情，因为就只差那三个字。无意间在图书馆碰到你，帮着你，就是那么在意你的笑容。即使大病一场，也骗着你说我在图书馆，从我家奔到图书馆，还好你当时正要离开之时，让在三楼的我，碰见在二楼的你，轻唤你的名字。你，在图书馆靠左窗的角落默默地让书香熏着你。只要你在图 书馆，就有第六感遇上你。我是对我这么说的。我每天傻傻地在图书馆徘徊，不管是上午或下午。习惯性地寻找着你，走过一排排的书柜，头反射性地望着每个靠窗的桌子，直到图书馆的最角落，希望你就在那儿。即使你不在那儿，我都会兜一兜图书馆，继续相信这我的第六感。

短 短一个月的时间徐徐走过，深发现自己越陷越深，我怕我跌进去这陷阱，情愿与理智拉锯着，因为我非常知道我在做什么，相信着理智拒绝的幻想，克服这理智的霸道，心甘情愿的相信对你的感觉。我问到，你还单身吗？是否接受从朋友升华的爱情。你说，不想。回想当时的情景，就是在那个下午，你遇见你讨厌的陆易和日本 中国籍朋友。发现问题的出发点是多么的明显，超级白痴。也知道当时，jingle-bell是在追求着你，不自觉地衡量我与他的差距，发觉彼此间的差距是多么的明显，是多么地不利于我。至此之后，我选择了自我退出，总比受伤退役这场必败的战场。

在 那几天，我把我的帐号隐藏为下线状态。不再给你打个电话，希望就这么的淡忘着你。不想你，但又在乎你的回复，真的非常矛盾。真的很想给你打个电话，理智却阻止我的右手提起手提。第一天，我干得很彻底，很爽快，似乎照着这个走势一定会遗忘你。第二天，无意间想念你的声音，但还是坚持着。每天对着电脑荧幕，总 是拉下朋友表列，希望看见你在线，但又不能做些什么。就只能看着你的帐号的情况，听歌，离线，忙碌及其他状态。第三天，你回复了我，第一个讯息，你说了今日的上课情形。第二个讯息，你说了在状况外的尤丽，她跌倒了。第三个讯息则是惹火你的留言，再不出现的我，以后都不理我了。或许让我如愿地等这个理想已久 的回答，但我立刻给你了答复，或许我根本放不下你，我办不到。匆匆地给了苯苯的借口让你相信，说我考试满江红。

回家之后，就写写那天的情形，我用英文写作，标题是“What am I doing”。述说着我暂时离开你的那几天，描写着自己的愚蠢。当天夜晚，回家的路途，弥漫着我的不悦耳的歌声。。。 。。。

I want you to know you make me happy;
I want you know you make me sad;
I want you know you make me happy;
You are the best thing that I ever had.

我 对我说，既然不能自拔，那么就干干脆脆沉陷在这陷阱挣扎吧。那天之后，我翻阅一堆堆的网上资料，如何追求天蝎座的你。很笨吧？之后很多心事你都对我说，我都一一听进耳里，我真的很高兴，你都能告诉我。每当我拨电话给你，或你打个电话给我，我是多么地兴奋，一直想这样听着你的声音。听着听着，无奈无助多于欣 喜的事情，我解决不了。我说，我是你的朋友吗？对你来说，你会很确定说，是。无可置疑的答案。我想跨过这条界限，但又想起你说的朋友-恋人，我止住了，一直停留在所谓的朋友，无法再向前。尽管如此，我还是埋头不低头于事实，不承认这关系不能发展成爱情。与其说你了解我，不如我先了解你的性格，让我更深一层的剖开 你的内心。当我越踏入你的心的时候，我发觉我的无能为力，我的虚弱。你渴望着友谊的真诚，但你不如你所愿。你想要有个人帮你分担课业上的压力，但我只能给你虚伪的支持。你想去旅行，但你不想搭公车，想要有个男朋友可以接送你。万圣节那个夜晚，我深怕你空虚，我尽一切可能地帮你找个成人的证件，四处为你寻 找，好让你不孤单。最终还是让你失望了。挫折感一度侵蚀着我。在那夜晚里，我和你通了电话，我就在你的宿舍下，骗你说我还在家里。太长了，真的是太长了。

回想过你要与我一起买车的谈话；回想你在万圣节夜里所说的理想男友是什么条件，你说的，只有我知道；回想我为你拿的狗狗，你说那是属于你自己的狗狗，和当时听了这番话一脸无奈的我。星期一，十一月三日的我知道这几天很少给你打电话，深知和你的谈话会徒增我的无奈。我打扫了屋子，但一整天都在想着你今天怎么 了。在网上的谈话也似乎少了许多。你又回我一句“我上次是开玩笑的，你考驾照是你的事情，我太无理了，呵呵。”你这次真的是把界限划得非常清楚了，我想我也明白了。但我真的无语，我当真的和我妈妈吵起架来，考虑真的要买车，也真的尽早地想考取驾照。这回，你的回答真的让我愣了许久，许久。让我想想你的回答 吧，我真的只是把你当朋友吧了。。。。。。

我想唱首歌给你听。。。 。。。When your minds made up

So
If you ever want something
You call, you call
And I’ll come running
to fight
And I’ll be at your door
And there’s nothing
worth running for

When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There’s no point trying to change it
When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There’s no point trying to stop it

You see

When you share your falls
All you want to do is run away
And hide all by yourself
When there's fall, there's fall
There's nothing else

When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point trying to change it
When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point even talking'
When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point trying to fight it
When your mind,
your mind
oh~
There's no point trying to change it
When your
oh~
So
If you ever want something
Then you call, call
Then I'll come running

告诉我你想的吧，我真的没法猜得透你的想法。即使是伤人的话语也不打紧了，我只想让模糊的我清醒,我在你心中的位置。

Tuesday, Nov 04 2008
0300
安