My life in KL

Life in KL, busy pace, white noise or whatever noise, people with gloomy face, crossing each other fates, too random and wasted.

Driving the same route, listen to music as if the life has came to a dull point where music lose its function to spice up the life. Self-encouragement always there, but motivation is not there, barely holding a shell to live on. Too many contradiction, goals, obstacles, determination, socialize, doubting instinct are always there to distract your thought.

I came across many painful scene, those beggars scene, i said. A Nanny with wrinkles all over her face, with a smile on her face, as though a way to console her feeling by selling out a tissue to me. I paid. My heart pain as there was a disabled child lying there on shabby, rusted cardboard trolley motionless with his eyes wide open. The moment i handed over the cash, the child fall down from the trolley, this happened in a sudden, but i remembered Nanny want to thank me, and somehow he slightly pushed the trolley a bit while thanking me with just mumbling sound. Coins all over the floor, and child fall without crying. I helped out to put the coin back in place. But the nanny was still smiling, and more and more people started crowding around us... ...

As you can see, i can see the contrast between nanny and child, how is she going to raise up children, how helpless i am when i approach to them, if i didn't buy from them, people around them will just ignore them.... ... too many thoughts at a time at morning pasar, i tried to numb myself after helping out. Got my tissue, with a smile to Nanny over there beside child, and i left.

I can sense that i am going to become numb with every feeling that crosses my heart. Life is like that, perhaps, may be we can find motivation over there. Perhaps... ...

May be all i need is motivation, need to find it, sourcing it, as the way to move out this circumstance. Life can be dull or interesting, i told myself, whether should i open up to the others. Energy wise, i guess i need to work on it.

Neo, come on find a way to make the day interesting!!!!!

P/S: Passage not coherent